Ciggarette?? no more in my life

Yeah.. Today is the first day i quit smoking. Haha. Nice la. I hope i can stop smoking wei.. lol. That day i made my partner hands full of smoke smell. Felt so bad.She hates smokers wei. Luckily she dint scold me. HAHA. Just now, I finally get to talk back to her. Hopefully our friendship can be like last time.

once again i have hurt ur feelings

I dunno wat to do? someone pls teach me wat to do. I am just trying to help her and be her best friend but all i know is i have hurt her again. I can see that everytime i appear in front of her, she will feel uncomfortable. This friendship will really end here?? I hope it wun but all i know is she will leave our group soon and wun mix with us anymore. Is it really because of me or there are other reason? Should i just stop messaging her and just ignore her or continue treat her like a friend? What should i do??? I am so confused and i cant make any decision anymore. I dun wan to hurt her feelings anymore. All i hope is she will be as happy as last time.

Just the same as yesterday

I am back. Haiz.. Today, i am so tired. Now is 4am in the morning and i haven sleep. Lol. Parents not here so no curfew. Haha. lets start with my dancing practice.Today, my dream come true. Haha. I get to dance with my CHT 2 dream girl ( Queenie). HAHA.She is so pretty. I have been lookin at her for one year and finally I get to hold her hands. Lol it is so fun and nice. I also get to dance with my partner again. Lol her name is Fish. Haha. She is so cute and the best thing is she is shorter than me. Lol. If she wear high heels during the penang trip, she will be as tall as me. Haiz, why am i so short???? I really enjoy dancing with her but I feel down when i see 15. She look so down but i dun dare to talk to her. I can see that no one is dancing with her but i dint go find her because I need to forget her and treat her like my best friend or maybe sister. I realise after i told her my feelings, our friendship has face alot of problem. Everyday, either one of us will feel down or emo. I cant understand her feelings and she also cant understand mine. This make me feel that we are from the different world. I need to forget all my feelings and treat her like a friend. I hope she can live happily like last time. Just finish reading her blog. Feel so down when she wrote about her mum called her. I really hope i can teman her but i cant. I need to stop thinking of her. I hope our friendship can be like last time. I realise nowadays, I seldom talk to her already. Maybe is because of what i did last time. Hope everything also will be ok and she can live happily like last time.

Miss or dun miss??

haiz.. Suddenly miss my ex gf.. No matter what she have did to me last time, it is still a 1 year plus relationship. Whenever i listen to a love song, i will think of her. I know i should stop thinkin of her but i cant. everything that happen last time will be my memories.. no matter what, you will always be inside my heart. Haiz, Dave is leaving kampar soon. Damn, no ppl teman me smoke anymore. Stress...going to yum cha soon.

What should i do??????

Haiz , I just read her blog. She said she dun need me to pity her... Haiz. I helped her is because i want to be with her not because of PITY. She really thing that i have already gave up. Actually i am not. I hope one day, she will feel touch and she can consider about me again but i know this will never happen. When she is crying, i want to borrow her my shoulder but i dun dare to ask. I know i have hurt her feelings. Everything also cant change already. It is damn sad when u see the girl u love crying but u cant do anthing, i cant even borrow her my shoulder. All i can do is to stand behind her and keep askin weather is she ok or not. I feel down. No one will understand how i feel. To be honest, I also dun really understand . When she going to accept me, why i go step back?????? Am i stupid???? Gavin.... if u are here, I know u can teach me what to do... but i know u wun be here now.

Overnight??

Trust me.. I din sleep for the whole night. lol. I went to yum cha until 2 am than i went home. Just after i finish my shower, my best friend's gf nearly fainted so we went to the hospital. (WHAT A SCARY PLACE. MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN THE HOSPITAL IS DAMN SCARY. THE WIND IS DAMN FUCKING STRONG. CAN FEEL THAT SOMETHING IS BESIDE ME.) LOL. After sending my best friend back. I went to accompany my dream girl. She say she feel down so i accompany her walk around in dataran. Erm... walked for 10 rounds in Dataran. The best thing was she dint talked at all. I feel so worry about her but she dint say anything. I asked her but she choosed to keep quiet. Around 4.30am, i sent her home and i was waiting for her call until now. I scared she cant sleep or she want someone to talk to so i just wait for her downstairs. I just trying to be 24 hours on call. I hope all the things i am doing now can help her and make her forgive me. I love her. Haiz. All because a wrong move, everything also cant change.Now i am in a station waiting the time to reach 9am.The only thing i dun 1 to see is her message.If she message me means she cant sleep. Haiz. Heart pain lo. haha. 9am is my class and now i am still in cc. lol. I think i will be sleeping in class l8r. Anyway i need to say thanks to my brother, Tommy cuz he is beside me now and accompany me for few hours and dint sleep at all. thx Tommy.

Feel so down

Haiz.. dunno how to start..everyday also feel stress.. this is my life for the past few days. 6 days ago i broke up with my girlfriend because of some reason and now i feel like i have already fall in love with another girl. Few days ago, i already told her i love her than she was considering weather want to accept me anot but the worst thing i did in my life was i made a wrong move. Yesterday i told her i wanted to step back from this relationship and be back like normal friend. The best thing is i still love her but i dun dare to confess anymore because she keep sayin that i am not loyal enough and playing with her feelings. I am not playing with her feelings. I just scare me and her will argue if we really ended up together. I am a smoker, useless guy that only know how to talk and she is so quiet and keep everything in her heart if anything happen. We are like from different world. I am just not suitable for her. All i can do is to be beside her and help her whenever she needs me. The main reason why i step back was because i was too childish. She keep saying that i am a flower heart guy so i got pissed off and i said i wanted to step back. If i can be more patient and care about her feelings, nothing will happen between me and her. Wat a stupid move. To be honest, I am not flower heart lu, i am just good in sweet talk. I just enjoy sweet talk with girls but if u wan me to change, i dun mind to change. haiz. It is too late to regret. The only thing i can do now is to be 24 on call and help her whenever she needs me. I hope i will be the guy she will find, if she need help. Hope she can forgive me.